1st Pregnancy

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Only Almighty Allah can help my baby...

Dear Baby,

Life has been pretty challenging lately. Alhamdulillah I can cope with it. Just feel a little bit sad to think of what will happen next. If I am destined to go, who will take care of you. Who will help daddy to look after you. If I am okay and you are okay, I hope the healing process will be fast. I don't like to be sick for too long.

So what's this sentimental thing?! I went for check up again on Friday. Doctor looked very concern. He told me that I have to give birth sooner than expected. He said my blood pressure is rising. He told me if my albumin (protein) increase to ++ I have to call him and arrange for c-sect. If it's more than ++, I have to go through emergency c-sect. So these few days I have to test albumin 2 times a day and have to be mentally prepared to go to hospital anytime.

It is tougher for me because daddy have to go for reservist this Monday. If he defer his reservist, he might have to make up for it sooner or later. He also reluctant to defer because he don't want to change his platoon. He prefer to be with his 'gang'. So I will have to go check up and make decisions myself. If have to be warded I have to do it alone. But what worries me, what if daddy is uncontactable. No reception for hp or cannot get him at the camp.

I can sense that the doctor is worried about my condition. It might be dangerous for me. The baby is still safe. He don't want me to reach the stage where my baby will be in danger too. Baby is more than 2kg now (according to books). I am 34 weeks pregnant. The doctor doesn't bother about the baby's weight. I ever overheard he explaining to a patient when the patient asked why he never want to tell the baby's weight. He said nowadays doctors don't depend on the weight. They prefer to use circumference of the head and the length of the baby. He said doctors research finds out this way is more accurate to determine the baby's maturity.

I would rather save my baby. No point I am out of danger but my baby is unhealthy. But doctors reassure me the baby is fine. But being a mother to be, I just want the best for my baby. I really don't know. I can only tawakal and hope for the best for my baby. I never expect my pregnancy experience will end this way. I really feel I am like a walking time bomb.

For my true friends and my friends out there, thanks for being there for me. Thanks for all the opinions and advice. Forgive me for my wrong doings and halal kan everything. In case I don't make it. But I will try my best to be strong to take care of my baby.. Insya-Allah. For those friends who knows my family, please don't call my siblings for updates. They don't know about this yet. Am not sure if I am going to tell them. Thanks again all...

Hugs
Mummy