1st Pregnancy

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Am stuck!

Dear Fa'iz Hilman,

Alhamdulillah taking care of you is getting easier. You can now play on your own. Since you turned 3 months I let you drink water using a spoon. Now you enjoy drinking water session. You used to hate drinking plain water.

Mummy feeling very confused. Whatever decision I take will make me feel stranded. I am stuck. Whatever decision I take will affect you greatly. Daddy told me to go to work and he will stay at home to take care of you. I am fine with that but I will miss you so much. I know one day I have to let you go and be independent. I cherish every moment we spent time together. My plan is to send enroll you in a childcare when you are 12 or 18 months. Most childcare in our neighbourhood accept 18 months infants. There a childcare which accept 12 months infants but I am still considering the surrounding.

I wonder if I am a fussy person. Daddy feels I have too many rules. But all those are common sense and it is for your own good. I have been doing the do's and don'ts since young. I just want the best for you. I know I am not perfect too... arghhh I can't think straight. I am sure time will fly very quickly. Once you enrolled in childcare and things will be more settled. I am worried about your family values and discipline because mummy and daddy have different expectations. Constant comments from people making it more stressful for me. I am okay people call you dark skin baby. I am worried if people kept on saying you are fat. It may cause you to have low self. Having low self esteem will make you unhappy in life. Actually you are big frame with big bones. I know you going be an attractive boy when you grow up.

I am too sleepy. I will continue next time... love you my son