1st Pregnancy

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Dedicated to my mummy

Dear Fa'iz Hilman,

It's 4.44am. Mummy did not get to sleep yet. I just cannot fall asleep. Maybe am too excited for my birthday. I'll be celebrating my birthday for the first time with you. Since my mummy passed away I began to realise a lot of things. I realised how much she loves me and I began to look at birthdays at a different perspective. It maybe too late for me as your nanny (ur grandma would like her grandchildren call her nanny) not around anymore. But I still look forward to it.

26 March 1974 was the day I was born. I was told that once nanny arrived at the hospital, she immediately gave birth to me within minutes. Eventhough it was a fast delivery but I am sure she have to do some pushing. A painful one. She gave birth to me by normal delivery. She must be very happy when she gave birth to me. When I was young people always tease me saying that I am anak manja. At that point of time I didn't think so. I thought my brother Adam and my sister are the anak manja. I am 8 years apart with your Uncle Adam. After she passed away, people began to tell how much she loves me. She would wait for me to come back from school o work. She will walk around the void deck to wait for me. She also placed a chair in front of our house to sit and wait for me to come back from school. In the past I did not realised she waited for me. I did not know she will ask the shopkeeper at our void deck if they seen me. I feel so ashamed for not realising what inconvenience and worry I have caused her. I hope her soul is taken care by Almighty Allah. She passed away at Mecca after she performed her haj. She was buried there. I remembered that on the day she passed away I received white roses from a friend. When I received those roses I remembered her. But I did not suspect anything. Luckily I called the hotel she's staying so many times before she passed away. She told me she was sick. But at that time I called often because I was concerned about my father. My father was very ill at that time and my mummy was very healthy. I never suspected she would leave the world so soon. She passed away when I was 23 years old. That was 10 years ago. These are Allah's decision. They can take us away anytime HE wants to.

I am thankful to my mummy for thanking care of me with lots of love. She always make sure that I will have enough of everything. She loves to kiss my armpit eventhough I' was in my 20's. Nothing can repay my mummy. I am proud that all my sister in laws that my mummy is the best Mother in law in the world. They still miss her till now. I wonder if I can be a good mother in law in future. She bought for her daughter in laws gifts, cook their favourite dish when they visit and she never blames her daughter in laws for anything.

I remembered there's one incident before she left for haj, out of sudden she asked my dad "What if Atiah don't have a place to stay?" I was puzzled. My dad responded "She surely have a place to stay." I still do not understand why out of sudden my mother asked the question to my dad.

At little bit of my mummy, she got married after studying at Ipoh lane madrasah. At that time she studied similar to A level standard. She can read the Quran very well and won prizes for Quran recital competition. She loves to wear dresses at home, she well groomed and dressed up very well; love to eat ciku; a good cook especially her curry and mee rebus; always say kesian; she did not talk much; her most common sentence she utter daily "Atiiii belajar"; she loves to pin up her hair japanese style with huge stylish hair pins, she looked young; many people thought that she's my dad youngest wife, when told them she is our mother outsider will be very shocked; she's very pretty that many men were interested in her when she was young and even married; some nights I would hold her till I fall I asleep; she loves to give me a big kiss; I can still remember her smell; she is very updated with fashion and make up, I love to play with her cosmetics; she has a very sweet smile; she never go anywhere further than geylang by herself; she don't care about money and give away her money easily .. the list can really go on....

To me my birthday is to remember the sacrifice she had gone through for me especially when she gave birth to me. Nothing can repay her kindness and love. I love you mummy.

Al Fateha for the late Hajjah Fatimah binte Mohamed Nawi.