1st Pregnancy

Saturday, June 02, 2007

guilty..

Dear Son,

Mummy feel so guilty leaving you at home and mummy goes to work. I find it difficult to work late too. My work mates have to go overseas to conduct training. I pray hard that I don't have to go out station. Whenever I see anything for babies, I tend to buy for you. I bought it out of guilt. I know I work to help our family and for you future, but I just can't help feeling guilty. Maybe when everything is okay, I will part time again so that I can attend to you often.

Yesterday I just apply for one day leave in August! That is 2 months away. My manager almost reject it because Monday is a busy day. I tried to change your doctor's appointment but I can't. I got to ask daddy to help. Daddy might send you alone to the clinic if I can't get my leave. My leave is approved but if I have to conduct training, I have to cancel my leave.

Only God knows how I feel. At work mummy always very busy. Mummy have no friend to talk to etc.. no kakis.. I am on my own. But it is better that way actually .. not much dispute will happen. But the work exam and work load is too much. I just feel I can't cope especially when there is family event. I really hope I can juggle. I hope people around me understand my situation. I have to pass all the exams in order for me to keep my job. I really pray hard hoping I will not have any problems that will affect my performance at work. Please please forgive me for going to work. Please love me even when I am not around. I love you my son Fa'iz Hilman