1st Pregnancy

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Changes...

Dear Fa'iz Hilman,

Having you in my life really change a lot of things. It really makes my time ticks very fast. Juggling you and the house is a challenge. I do everything as fast as I can and multitask whenever I can. Just so that I have more time to rest and no need to rush when I eat. Daddy told me that I am getting very forgetful. He said it is due to mummy doing everything too fast. Am not sure about that. Maybe I am getting forgetful because I am tired. I try my best to breastfeed you fully. On the average you only drink S26 formula twice a day. The rest are breastmilk. I can feel some changes in my body when I breastfeed. I get hungry and thirsty easily. I have constipation for almost a week now. Whatever it is I hope daddy can tolerate with me for being forgetful. I can't help it. It bothers me but I am to busy to be bothered by anything.

I was so happy that you didn't cry when the hairstylist shave your hair. You only cried at the end of it because you were sleepy. You didn't sleep for 4 hours before we left home to go to the saloon. Your little fingers hold daddy fingers tightly when you feel insecure. I am glad you are bonding very well with daddy. I hope the bonding remain strong even when you are 80 years old! Daddy and son relationship is very important for your well being.

After shaving your hair we went to Tanjong Katong Complex at Geylang to weigh your hair. After that we went to Sultan Mosque to donate the money and have our dinner. We had dinner at a Lebanese restaurant. Not bad. I like the minced beef pizza and the fries. The fries is very crispy. The restaurant is located infront of the Sultan Mosque beside the murtabak shops.

Today daddy sold his bike. I feel sad about it because the bike means a lot to me. It has a lot of memories. Daddy sold the bike because he "niat" to sell it when we have a baby. He niat when I was pregnant. He said he didn't want to ride the bike because it will be tiring and he foresee that he will not have enough sleep. So now he goes to work with his company bus. Daddy used to send me to work with that bike. It was useful. Daddy is a skillful rider. But he rides pretty fast. I would rather daddy be safe. I do feel sad that we don't have the bike anymore but I feel at ease because I know daddy will be taking public transport. I am not worried about daddy's safety on the bike anymore. I just need to worry about daddy's safety at work. Usually I will read a lot of surah in my heart whenever daddy leaves home on his bike. We don't have the intention to buy a car. Daddy likes to be driven. He don't want to drive. He said driving is very tiring. So the 3 of us got to depend on public transport wherever we are going. Now we are back to simple life. No transportation luxury.

Being a housewife is a drag. But you make it meaningful for me. Looking at your smile makes me happy. I feel being a housewife is more tiring than working in a company. Sometimes I have difficulty to sleep because I am too tired. Sometimes I feel I did not play much with you because I am busy doing things. Sometimes I do some housework while trying to put you to sleep or even breastfeed. I feel bad but I got no choice. I don't want to play with you while breastfeeding because I don't you to get distracted. I really salute my mom for being a housewife all her life. Eventhough she is educated with A levels but she chose to be a housewife. Doing the same things daily for years doesn't bore her. As for me, I can't wait for you to enrol in childcare. Even a halfday childcare is good enough. I feel I need a break. At least I can teach in the morning or afternoon. I know I can choose to let somebody to take care of you and I go back to work. But I don't want to miss these magical years. I am more motivated when doctors really supportive for my decision to take care of you full time. In the past I thought housewife are lucky. They do nothing at home and can just relax. But I am very wrong. There are surely something I need to do. Just imagine those poor wives whose husband and kids doesn't appreciate what a mother did at home. To me working is very relaxing. Even when I have to teach long hours I don't mind. Usually I will grumble about work when I have lousy assistants. Maybe I am weird hehehehe

Mummy getting sleep. I'll continue next time. Bye my love.