Friday, March 03, 2006

Perseverance..determination..

Dear Baby,
Yesterday was a fine day. I taught Primary 1 kids Touch Typing in a school somewhere in Ang Mo Kio. I feel fine but feel tired during class and Iwas panting when I walk to 3rd floor. During class I just had to sit down every few minutes. Am not sure why I feel tired. Maybe due to pregnancy thing or maybe due to the new in soles your darling daddy bought for me. I reached home about 5pm and ate some Malay cakes for dinner. At night I don't feel tired. Daddy way out whole day. After working morning shift he went swimming and after that go for remedial training. Poor daddy is so stressed up about remedial training and passing his IPPT. He will be busy for the next 3 weeks. Daddy came back about 10pm. We watched a show together and went to sleep. I had sleepless nights for the past few days. Every night before I sleep, I prayed and I hope I can sleep well for the whole night.

Today I have no class. Woke up at 6.15am to say goodbye to daddy. Watch syarahan & news and slept at 7.30 and woke up at 10.30am. I felt better earlier part of the day. I went to the kitchen I don't smell anything stinks. I've been avoiding the kitchen for 5 days because I don't like the smell. Since I feel fine today, I wash the dishes and steam some pau for myself. When I almost finish washing the dishes I can smell something stink again. I perserver and control my nausea. Daddy will be back at 8pm he got to work overtime for today. After that I fold the clothes. It was a huge heap! I did not fold any clothes for almost 4 days. Out of sudden I feel giddy. I force myself to finish folding the clothes and lie down on my bed. Check my glucose level and blood pressure but everything was fine. So to distract myself from giddiness and nausea, I typed this blog. Usually daddy will help me with housework whenever he feels like it. Nowadays he's busy with RT & work so I understand. I try not to bother him too much.

If you notice I kept on persevering and forcing myself when I feel nausea or giddy. I am doing this hoping that you will have determination, perseverance and willing to go through any hard life. I don't you to give up easily. I just want you to keep on trying on whatever you are doing. If you tried but it still doesn't work for you. Maybe it is fated or you might have done a mistake or overlook something while trying to achieve it. So don't give up and always access yourself. It is important to ask for opinion and be open to suggestions. You must know how to express yourself. Do not keep everything in your heart and be depressed about it. It is unhealthy.

I think by now you know that mummy is diabetic. Daddy is healthy but he have thalessamia. It is not a big problem but some thalessemia carrier feel tired easily. So far daddy is fine. Mummy was diagnosed diabetic when I was 26 years old (year 2000). I did not took care of myself at first because I don't find the need. Until I met Dr L Koh. He talked to me about it and when I am pregnant, I started to be more careful. Some of the days I test my glucose level 7 times a day! Got to jab myself with insulin twice a day. So now my glucose level is well control because I want you to be healthy.

I found out that am suffering from polycystic ovarian in Sept 2001. At first my period did not stop since February 2001. I went to a GP in April & in June thing is wrong with me. In Sept it still flowing. I insisted he GP to ask her husband, who is a surgeon, to scan me & check the lump. Her husband said probably it a cyst and could be cancerous. I was rushed to a private hospital and that's when I met my gyne Dr KK Chow for the first time. He checked and saw a lot of polyps. I removed the polyps and send to the lab for test. Good news it was not cancerous and I am fine. Only problem my eggs does not ovulate even when my menses is regular. He gave a few types of medication and it doesn't work for me. I continue for check ups even when I am married. There was once daddy accompany me for check up. The doctor told me to get married asap because he worried when I get older the chances of me having a baby will be slim. After the check up I and daddy when to Botanic Gardens. I burst into tears. I finally told him what the doctor said. I told him I don't want him to marry me just because of wanting a baby. I got to face the consequences. I told him even if we get married, I might not be able to give him a child.

From that day, I still date daddy. I am mentally prepared that I maybe barren. I talked to him about adopting a child if he still wants to marry me. He said we see how it goes. So I just let the days goes by. If I am not wrong somewhere in October 2002 daddy told me that your grandfather wants us to get married. I was confused. I told your Aunty Hawa and she said your daddy was the right one. She prefer daddy compared to any other guys. We got engaged and married. After getting married I still go to the gyne for check up. I did not give up eventhough I am mentally prepared to adopt a child. The gyne asked me to see a doctor from a general hospital to treat my diabeties. My gyne found out from a new medical breakthrough that a diabetic medication can help polycystic ovarian sufferers. I went to see a diabetic specialist but my gyne still not satisfied with her prescription. He recommended Dr L Koh early 2005. Dr L Koh gave me medication to help my diabeties and also polycystic ovarian problem. After a few months my condition improve but my period still not regular. I started Elken products which can help me have balance nutrition and fertility. And guess what... in December I am pregnant. Now you are in my tummy.

I write about this is just to tell you what I had gone through. We can be mentally prepared for the worst but we must not give up. For 2 years I tried to be healthy and for 3 years I am trying to have you. So things don't come easily. We have to work for it the right way.

Love you baby...
Mummy

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posted by Luft & Thea at 3:26 PM 0 comments