1st Pregnancy

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Only Almighty Allah can help my baby...

Dear Baby,

Life has been pretty challenging lately. Alhamdulillah I can cope with it. Just feel a little bit sad to think of what will happen next. If I am destined to go, who will take care of you. Who will help daddy to look after you. If I am okay and you are okay, I hope the healing process will be fast. I don't like to be sick for too long.

So what's this sentimental thing?! I went for check up again on Friday. Doctor looked very concern. He told me that I have to give birth sooner than expected. He said my blood pressure is rising. He told me if my albumin (protein) increase to ++ I have to call him and arrange for c-sect. If it's more than ++, I have to go through emergency c-sect. So these few days I have to test albumin 2 times a day and have to be mentally prepared to go to hospital anytime.

It is tougher for me because daddy have to go for reservist this Monday. If he defer his reservist, he might have to make up for it sooner or later. He also reluctant to defer because he don't want to change his platoon. He prefer to be with his 'gang'. So I will have to go check up and make decisions myself. If have to be warded I have to do it alone. But what worries me, what if daddy is uncontactable. No reception for hp or cannot get him at the camp.

I can sense that the doctor is worried about my condition. It might be dangerous for me. The baby is still safe. He don't want me to reach the stage where my baby will be in danger too. Baby is more than 2kg now (according to books). I am 34 weeks pregnant. The doctor doesn't bother about the baby's weight. I ever overheard he explaining to a patient when the patient asked why he never want to tell the baby's weight. He said nowadays doctors don't depend on the weight. They prefer to use circumference of the head and the length of the baby. He said doctors research finds out this way is more accurate to determine the baby's maturity.

I would rather save my baby. No point I am out of danger but my baby is unhealthy. But doctors reassure me the baby is fine. But being a mother to be, I just want the best for my baby. I really don't know. I can only tawakal and hope for the best for my baby. I never expect my pregnancy experience will end this way. I really feel I am like a walking time bomb.

For my true friends and my friends out there, thanks for being there for me. Thanks for all the opinions and advice. Forgive me for my wrong doings and halal kan everything. In case I don't make it. But I will try my best to be strong to take care of my baby.. Insya-Allah. For those friends who knows my family, please don't call my siblings for updates. They don't know about this yet. Am not sure if I am going to tell them. Thanks again all...

Hugs
Mummy

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Thursday, July 27, 2006

Why me?

Dear Baby,

How are you doing? I hope you are doing fine and remain healthy always. Mummy's health has not been good.

On Monday I managed to solve my training matters so I arranged for an earlier appointment on Tuesday. I do feel tired because I was busy for the past few weeks, everday I felt some pain around my tummy and abdomen area. I did not realised I was so stressed. The students in that school were slow and have very poor discipline. Everyday I have to be firm with them. I scolded a few classes in a week. My body tells me to stop. I managed to negotiate with my director.

On Tuesday I happily went for my appointment with daddy, as we always look forward to see you. Usual routine, I have to check my weight and urine. I only increase less than 1 kg. All these while I don't have any blood pressure problem and I don't have any protein in my urine. During pregnancy my hormone doctor did a protein test. He was happy about my condition. But fate is not on my side on Tuesday. My blood pressure was very high and I have protein in my urine. Daddy did not understand the sudden change in my body. Where did the protein comes from? As for the blood pressure, it may be due to the stressful weeks I had gone through. My gynae was very concerned. He asked me to check with my hormone doctor about my blood pressure. He wants to see if there is any changes. Indeed the blood pressure kept on rising. I went back to my gynae. He told me to go home and rest and to come back the next day. He said if things don't get better I have to be warded. I know what they are worried about. I know they are worried that I will pre-eclempsia. I've done a bit of reading during my early pregnancy and I thought I will not experience this. But the gynae prefer not to tell yet so that I won't get stressed.

Daddy was worried. But I know you are safe. It's my life which is at stake. The doctor checked your heartbeat and few test. You did very well. Daddy was worried because on Thursday he got to go for training and next week for 5 days he got to go for reservist. I told him that the doctor will confirm if I have to be admitted on Wednesday and we'll see how it goes. He can still go for his training on Thursday because the hospital staff will take care of me. As for reservist we just have to see how it goes. If I have to deliver by next week, he needs to defer it. No choice.

On Wednesday morning, I got up early to get ready. Daddy was on the way home from night shift. I packed my toiletries and whatever necessary document. We had breakfast at home and we go to the hospital about 9.30am When I'm there I was told to check my protein and rest in the observation room. I had protein in my urine. After 30minutes of resting, my blood pressure still high. The nurse asked me to rest. I just need to feel at ease. So I SMS Aunty Lina and Aunty Izan to disturb them. Later a nurse came in and I asked her about Ventolin. On Tuesday the doctor gave me Ventolin for tummy cramps. I noticed that the baby is not so active. Usually the baby will wake up in the morning. The nurse decided to check your heart rate. I was on ctg for 30 mins. When am done, the gynae came in. He checked my blood pressure. He said it's okay. Not too high.

We went to one of his consultation room. He told me to lower my expectation. I was blur. I asked him what expectation. He said I have to go through c-sect. I told him if possible I want normal delivery because being diabetic I will take a longer time to heal. He said that's why he told me to lower my expectation. I cannot expect everything to go smoothly. He said there is high chance I have to go through c-sect. He don't want to wait until the baby is ripe to go through normal delivery because I will put my baby in danger. He also don't want me to go through normal delivery because he don't want me to have seizures and risk my life. He said having the wound to heal slowly is a small matter. This is a more serious matter. Damnnn.. I don't care about my life. I just want to save my baby's life. Seems like I have to go through c-sect. Hopefully I can maintain a good blood pressure and no protein till my 36 weeks. My gyne wants to plan a c-sect with my hormone doctor. They will plan together and they really hope they can do it after my 36 weeks. They don't want me to deliver before 36 weeks because they want to make sure the baby's condition is very stable. Baby.. please be strong. Please save your life. Tell mummy if you are not okay. The doctor will be able to detect if anything goes wrong. Insya-Allah everything will be fine.

My next appointment is this Friday. Next week onwards my appointment will be 3 times a week. I did not even think about the medical bills because I am more concern about your safety. My gynae is a very kind man. He didn't even charge me for my consultation. He even gave me protein strips for me to test at home for free. He only charged CTG for $20 by right it costs $50! He told me he will charge me minimal because I have to see him often and I need to do CTG frequently. He has always been so kind. He's been my doctor since 2002. Before I got married, he helped me with polycystic ovarian problem and removed some polyps. I noticed he always concern about prices. He even shooked his head when he found out that my hormone doctor charges consultation fees everytime I see the hormone doctor. My gynae feels that I will see them often and I shouldn't be charged so high.

I hope everything will be fine. You will be a safe. Now mummy resting at home. I really want to go for a swim but daddy is very busy. My gynae told me not to go for a swim alone. Maybe later I will cut my hair. I planned to cut my hair before I give birth so that I won't look so messy.

To my dear friends out there. Can give me tips on what to prepare before I go for c-sect? I will be on my own and with my hubby's only. Any tips?

Thanks

Love
Mummy

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Thank goodness...

Harlow baby,

This morning I received good news. I don't have to teach anymore. They had found a replacement for me. But I have to be on standby in case the trainer cannot cope with the classes. After I put down the phone with the director, I told daddy I don't have to teach anymore. Immediately your hands punch my tummy a few times. Are you happy about it too? Daddy was happy. At about 1pm the trainer called me for short briefing and I emailed to him all the necessary documents and project requirements. I feel happy. I was thinking of having good rest and hopefully I won't have anymore cramps.

After all the necessary things are done, I get ready to go to Ikea with daddy. I really need a comforter. I don't have a comforter. Never like to use one. But since the new air con was fixed, the temperature has been to cold for me even when the temperature is at 26 degrees celcius. We arrived at Ikea about 2.30pm. When I alight from the taxi at Ikea, I had difficulty in walking. It was because of cramp and my tummy feels very hard. We decided to have our lunch before we start hunting for a comforter. I've been to a few places to look for one but the prices are too expensive. Daddy went to burger king to order and I went to the toilet. On the way to the toilet, I notice a few aunties looking at my face and tummy. Maybe they feel that I will due soon. I can't eat much. I feel bloated and have no appetite. Daddy helps me to finish my food. While looking for a comforter, I saw a cot and a work table. I love it. We might get it later. We are still deciding. Finally found a comforter and daddy queu up to pay. I feel the cramps again and I found a place to sit. The cramp subsides after 10 mins. But I feel very tired and uncomfortable. You are not kicking too hard. You kick subtly since I take Elken Spirulina daily. Spirulina helps to calm temperamental babies and gives you a complete supply of vitamins. I think the cramps and backache makes me feel lousy. We quickly go home and I rested for about 1 hour. I feel fine after that but still I don't have the appetite to eat.

Ikea was very crowded. If not because of the voucher daddy received, we wouldn't go there to shop. We know now Ikea is having sales and there will be a lot of people. We don't like crowded places.

It's 2.43am. I need to sleep. I was sleepy but I felt hungry and decided to eat some bread. But after eating it is not advisable to sleep. So I write this blog while letting the bread digest in my tummy.

Take care my love

Yours Always

Mummy