1st Pregnancy

Saturday, November 01, 2008

I love you

Dear daughter,
Next week I will be delivering you by c-sect. You are in breech position and my having high blood pressure. Baby.. mummy very sorry. I know through out the pregnancy mummy have not been happy. It's not that mummy and daddy don't want you but mummy and daddy facing too much problems. We are facing so much financial difficulties up to the extend we rent out our house and we are living at our relatives place. Mummy tried to work in October but failed. Mummy was too sick and tired. Lately mummy has been feeling very tired. Life is tough. Maybe it is fated that women's life will be tough. All the challenges mummy faced during pregnancy is beyond my control. Daddy wants us to go separate ways and mummy still hoping he will change his mind after seeing you. I really love your daddy. I want daddy to be with us forever. To mummy daddy play an important part in raising children. I really believe in father's love. Mummy trying to change to suit daddy's life. But mummy can't stop myself from defending the truth. I have to do this to protect my children. I don't want you and your brother will get hurt. To me your self confidence is very important.

I hope whatever mummy gone through makes you a strong person. It is not easy being a woman. Well that's life. I am excited and scared to have you in my world. Excited to have a daughter but scared about our future. I believe you and your brother will make mummy a strong person. I really hope you will be a happy baby. I don't want my sorrows affect you in anyway. I know how a pregnant mother feels will affect it's baby. If things don't turn out well, I really blame myself and maybe partly I will blame daddy. But I hope I won't blame daddy. It's not my style to blame other people.

I have to go. I love you.

Post a Comment

I love you

Dear Son,

I am aware that I have not been writing for a long time. Too many things happened. Mummy have been sad for months. I have been thinking if I should always write happy moments or to tell you the truth even it is painful. After much thinking, I should tell you the truth because I want you to grow up to be a man. At the moment is 36 weeks pregnant. We are expecting a baby girl. But sad to say daddy didn't seem happy at first. A lot of pressure between us. Daddy wants me and daddy to go on separate ways. But I love you to much to let you grow up without a father. To me father's love is very important. I am trying my best to suit daddy's expectation as a wife. But I know I cannot be a nice wife anymore. Meaning defending the truth and protecting you when something goes wrong. From my point of view mummy and daddy are adults. No matter how difficult life is, we should be able to face it. But you and your expected baby sister are young children. You have no sin. You have no right to suffer. You should be enjoying life. Live as a kid. But whatever happens after I give birth to your baby sister, I vow that I will try my best to bring both of you up. I maybe away from you and your future sister often because I have to work. But we have to be apart because we need money to survive. Even if mummy and daddy still together forever, mummy still need to work because we are facing a lot of financial difficulties and mummy need to save money again in case there is an emergency.

Whatever it is I want you to know that I love you very much. Frankly, my health is not in good situation. I do not know if I can survive during delivery or not. But I always pray so that I can live until you grown up. I don't want you to grow up without a mother or father. Parents play an important role in a child's life. Past few months we lived with your aunty hawa. But things are too rough there. I don't want you to get sick or hurt all the time. To me your self confidence is very important. Now we are staying with uncle adam. But i don't know why, we are more broke here. Financially in trouble. Mummy will delivering your sister next week. I have no confidence in our maid to take care of you when I am away. Yesterday you almost hit your head twice due to her negligence. Lucky you know how to save yourself. Mummy & daddy enrol you to gym class when you were 6mths was worth it. Mummy definitely will enrol for your sister. You learnt how to fall properly and save yourself from hitting your head. I am glad you still remember how to protect yourself. Now you are 27mths old and yet you can still remember what you've learnt. I am so proud of you. Daddy did not see what happened. I just wished he saw all the dangerous things happened to you. I just want him to be more vigilant. You are only 27mths old.. you need to be monitored closely.

My son, Fa'iz Hilman, I love you very much. You are my strength for me to go on. You are the reason for me to live. Almighty God let me have you as a gift in my life. Now your sister will be around to make mummy more stronger. I love your daddy very much. I am aware that he can be very difficult and cold at times. Daddy have his own good qualities. Both of us start our marriage in a wrong direction. I was to engrossed in pleasing him and he was to engrossed in other matters. I just want you to know I love all our family including atuk hassan, nenek jun and all my nieces and nephew. I love you very much Fa'iz Hilman.